By Olivia Monteith

    As Garak's hands traveled over the smooth skin and soft contours of
the alien body, his eyes took in the odd but somehow familiar sight. It
struck him that this human offered him everything that he had so missed
since his exile. He was offering warmth when the tailor was cold,
companionship in his loneliest time. He was aesthetically pleasing in a
sea of ugliness. He was forgiveness for unknown sins, food for a hungry
soul, and kindness in a cruel existence. Mentally stimulating
conversation, an open mind to explore, an accepting heart, and finally,
a willing, equally wanting body to hold. Most of all, what he craved
most desperately, he was welcomed, wanted, and needed.  This was a most
valued state for Elim Garak. The fact that this young man could be
sharing this with so many others, while he was here in the Cardassian's
arms made this so much more intense to the tailor, it meant so much
     He wanted the release from years of unspent sexual energy, but he
needed this more. He was starved for the simple affection, the respect
and mutual pleasure that he had been denied for so long. So many long
years of solitude had passed before tonight. He wanted this to go on for
as long as Julian would allow it, or for as long as he could stand it.
     He was lying beside the human, admiring the graceful form, and
heated flesh. Slowly his eyes and hands traveled over every inch of the
doctorís skin, and then they were followed by his cool lips. He felt
himself getting lost in his exploration, and didnít care. This moment
was all that was important. He had yearned for this for so long, to
allow any other thoughts to intrude seemed sacrilegious. Even thinking
of how the doctorís body felt under his hands became impossible when he
felt Julianís own fingers tracing his ridges and nails scraping his
     Of itís own accord, his head snapped back, his mouth dropped open,
and an animalistic sound unlike any he had ever heard escaped his
throat. As the stimulation grew firmer, his voice became uncontrollable,
his body shivered with sensation, and heat he hadnít felt in ages
coursed through his veins.
     Seeing the tailorís reaction to his touch caused Julian to become
bolder, more aggressive, more certain himself. He lifted his upper body
from the bed to press his lips more firmly against Garakís in a
passionate kiss,  to gain more access to the tough hide of the
Cardassianís back, and to nip at the sensitive neck till Garak was
beyond caring, beyond resisting as Julian rolled him onto his back and
took up the superior position above him.
     Allowing another to control him was just as intoxicating to Garak
as it was for Julian to have this control. Instinct took over where
timidity had reigned, and Julian found his body acting and reacting of
itís own accord. Everything he did seemed to make Garak burn, and it was
so captivating to watch those lips that had mastered and lead so many
conversations suddenly incapable of forming simple words.  Only moans,
whimpers, and sighs were able to escape, and they grew increasingly
louder as he trailed his lips and teeth down the central abdominal
ridge, till talon like hands suddenly gripped his shoulders, pushing his
     Alarmed, Julian looked questioningly at Garak, and waited patiently
for the older man to catch his breath. After some minutes, the
Cardassian gasped out, ďNoÖ I donít want it to end yetÖ. PleaseÖ give me
a little longer.Ē
     Julian experienced a very novel emotion; power, passion and pity
all in one, and all for Garak. His heart constricted as he watched Garak
squeezed his eyes shut in a strange mixture of submission, emotional
pain, and hopeful anticipation. His voice was no more than a hoarse
whisper, his cool skin moist with sweat, and his grip on the doctor
desperate. Heíd already been hard so long it ached, and yet he didnít
want to let it go, he couldnít allow the release to carry him away,
because then it would all be over. The moment he had longed for would be
a memory rather than a dream. Just a little longer, it was all he asked.
And he would have it, Julian decided.
     The doctor gathered his wits on the collection of a deep breath,
settled his nerves, and tamed his bodyís natural reactions the best he
could. Just a little longer. He could give his friend this.
     Stretching back up to lean over the older man, he reached out and
stroked softly at the raven hair, calming both their desires and buying
the precious few minutes his friend needed.
     Garak knew what he was doing, and he appreciated it. He had missed
this so much, the endorphin rush, the blinding haze, the healing
ointment of his soul. For a few minutes, he was worthwhile, someone
valued him, and not for the monstrosities he was capable of, but because
he was making them feel good. And at the end there would be a few
moments of all encompassing, blissful perfection, and then it would be
over. Nothing more than a pleasant memory. But for now, it was good.
     As Garak felt his body come back into control, he lay back again,
relaxing and enjoying the press of the hot body on his, the sound of
that voice as it instructed, queried, and admired. He gave himself over
finally, completely in the last moments. When he could fight his need no
longer, and he felt his body lose itís battle, he mourned the loss of
this contact before it was dead. In a final act of surrender, his voice
broke, and tears flowed. He gave up, and let the climax take him. The
pent up emotions burst free, the years of physical need were answered,
the hounds of Cardassian passion set loose to roar and scream and howl
out their life and deaths in a matter of seconds.
     When he came back to himself, to his horror, he heard his voice
confessing things to this human he had never been willing to admit to
himself. With sickening fear, the interrogator gave up his secrets, and
not due to any torture he had ever considered in his career as Tainís
favored officer or bastard son. To make things worse, he had asked, no
begged for this! Had he allowed it to end those few minutes earlier,
perhaps he would have been better able to restrain himself. But now
there were no more secrets of any importance from this man. Now that he
had given up his most sacred secret, he had left himself open for the
worst death of all. The massacre of a possibility, however wistful it
had been. He knew all along the doctor would *not* feel this
love..., but if he hadnít told him, he could continue to entertain the
possibilities.  Now, that hope would die.
     The tailor finally dared open his eyes, and through the blur of his
tears, he could see the shock on the humanís open face. The wide eyes,
the slack jaw. He could almost see the words forming on Julianís lips.
ĎIím flattered, but Iím sorry. This was a bad idea,í he would say. Garak
couldnít stand to look at that face anymore and wait for those words. He
twisted his head and drew a shuddering racking breath. His hands moved
up the length of the fragile arms, stroking the tender flesh, taking it
in while he could. Soon it would with draw from him as if he were
diseased. His death that had begun seven years ago with his exile would
finally be complete with the shattering of his heart. The functions of
his body would be a mere formality, for he would be completely dead
     ďYou love me?Ē
     That was not what he had expected to hear. Or how he expected to
hear it. He had expected disbelief, as well as shock, but not hope.
Never that.
     He turned back to face the human who hovered over him. Julianís
eyes were bright, his face pink, and his gaze intent, probing.
     Garak was taken back. He was only able to nod his head, waiting for
the unknown conclusion.
     A long slender finger went up to gently rub over an eye ridge that
was made slick with thick tears. The brown eyes that had conveyed so
many emotions Garak thought he had seen them all softened to an
expression heíd never dared to consider. Somehow those eyes were sad,
elated, bitter, and relieved all at once, and even stranger was that he
understood. Sad that so much time had passed before the revelation had
come to light. Elated that it finally had been spoken. Bitter that so
many harsh words had come between them and the judgement of others when
their feelings became public, and finally, relieved that he too could
say it. Relieved that because Julian had also longed to be loved and
accepted for who he was, and not only if he could conform to meet an
      The human finally lowered his face to the tailorís, placing kisses
along the cheeks, up the jaw line to reach the ear, and whisper his own
confession. Julian felt the heavier arms close over his back, and
unresistingly allowed his body to be pulled down so that he was lying
beneath the tailor. He closed his eyes, and gave himself over,
concentrating on every sound, touch and gesture as if his life depended
on it. The Cardassianís trembling hands moved over him with a new
urgency, and a rough tenderness that aroused him to the point of
breaking. As he arched his back, called out his lovers name, he knew
*he* would never be the same again, and he didnít even want to be.


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