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~<###>~ FALLING ~<###>~
~<###>~ ~<###>~~<###>~ ~<###>~
I'm alone, yeah I don't know if I can
face the night
I'm in tears and the crying that I do is for you.
I want your love, let's break the walls between us
Don't make it tough, I'll put away my pride.
Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light…
Don't know what I'm gonna do about this
Yes it's true, loneliness took me for a ride
Without your love, I'm nothing but a beggar
Without your love, a dog without a bone
What can I do, I'm sleeping in this bed alone.
You're the reason I live, you're the reason
You're the reason I give, when I break down and cry
Don't need no reason why.
Copyright: Aerosmith, "Angel," 1987
~<###>~ ~<###>~~<###>~ ~<###>~
Garak was going crazy. What a ridiculous
concept. They had been floating
about in space for nearly ten hours and their communications system
"How could you check out the Yang Tze
Kiang without making sure it was
fully functional," Garak hissed irritably. He neglected to mention that
the shuttle had been working just fine up until now. For some reason warp
drive and communications had just failed. Dr. Bashir turned around and glared
at him but Garak simply averted his eyes and ignored the young man's
disgruntled facial expression.
"I did. Miles said there was nothing wrong
with the shuttlecraft when we
left the docking port. I don't understand what happened."
"Hrmph!" Garak responded and folded his arms over his chest.
Typical, he thought. Just typical. He
was longing to get back to the
station, where he could go back to avoiding Julian. This stupid mission
in Cardassian space they had been on, was just ludicrous, to say the least.
And now the damned shuttlecraft went belly-up. For the millionth time he
wished he hadn't volunteered to follow the doctor into Cardassian space.
They'd just barely escaped a couple of Jem'Hadar ships and were now
heading back to the station. They had gotten what they came for - information on
the Dominion ship's construction site. That didn't make Garak feel any
"Listen, Garak. Don't be like that. I'm
going to go mad if you're going
to go sour on me. This mission has been difficult enough as it is!" Julian
complained. "It isn't my fault that the shuttle only has impulse power."
"Do you realize that it is going to take
us a month to get back to DS9
at this speed?" Garak responded, his voice still irritated and harsh.
"Hey, I know that! But they'll start looking
for us before that. We are
supposed to be back on the station next week. If we don't show up by
then, they'll be bound to send the Defiant after us!"
"Unless they believe we failed and have
been captured or killed. That
means, in quite blunt language, that we will be spending the next week
or more together in this shuttlecraft - alone?"
"I suppose it does. Garak, what's the
matter? I thought we were friends.
Have I done something to upset you?" Julian asked, his voice now
sounding a little less perky and more hurt than anything else, and his eyes boring
deep into Garak's. Garak looked away and sighed deeply.
Yes, Garak thought. You exist. That's
enough to upset me, but not the
way you think. Guls, how could I have been so stupid as to go with Julian on
this dreadful mission? I should have kept my mouth shut and let Odo go
with him instead. Odo knows as much about Cardassian space as I do. But I,
old fool as I am, saw the opportunity to spend some time alone with Julian.
Garak sighed aloud. Besides, I would have worried myself to an early
grave, knowing he was out here with no one to protect him. Little did I realize
how difficult it would become.
"No, you have done nothing, Julian," he
assured his 'friend'. "Nothing
at all. But I am a very private person as you well know, and the prospect
of spending a week in this shuttle is a bit, disheartening."
"I'll try to repair the communications
systems and do what I can to
contact the station," Julian said curtly and turned away. Garak closed his
eyes. He had tried not to hurt Julian, but he realized that he had nonetheless.
He rose from his chair at the helm's panel and moved back to the
"Are you hungry? Can I replicate you something
to eat?" he said by way
"No thank you, Garak," Julian responded
overly polite and Garak sighed
again. This was going to be harder than he thought. To be able to keep
Julian at a distance, far away enough from him not to show his true
feelings, he had to be rude sometimes. But he winced every time he
realized that his rudeness actually hurt Julian.
It's for your own good, my dear, sweet
doctor, Garak thought. You don't
understand what would happen if I let you too close. You just don't
He thought back at the last few months.
The two of them had been
fighting more than he would care to remember, and he knew that a lot of it was
his fault. He needed to keep Julian at a distance not to let the young man
find out the truth. The truth…
Garak smiled half-heartedly to himself.
He and the truth had never been
the best of friends.
Each day that passed was making Julian
more and more depressed. Four
days had gone by with him and Garak spending time in this closed-up space,
and the more time that passed, the more distant Garak got. Julian wondered
why the Cardassian had even volunteered to help him. At first he had been
happy. He had thought that perhaps this would be the chance they needed
to find their way back to the friendship he had treasured so much. The more
time he spent with Garak the more he realized that this wasn't going to
happen. Garak avoided him as best he could. He tried to sit in the back
of the shuttle when Julian was piloting and the other way around. When
Garak for some reason couldn't avoid him, he was very quiet or he acted overly
polite, as if they'd just met.
Julian wanted to hurl himself at the Cardassian,
to punch him out or to
scream at him. He wanted to force him into reacting somehow. The
distance, the politeness with which Garak acted was driving him crazy. He wanted
to make Garak explain what the hell was going on. He didn't do it for one
reason alone and that was the look in Garak's eyes. That gaze was so
intense sometimes that Julian wondered what would happen if he did
something to push the Cardassian over the edge. Despite the politeness
Garak seemed on the brink of snapping. Julian was almost worried that
Garak would hurt him and a tiny jolt of fear shot through his stomach. What
was wrong with his friend anyway? He had tried to find out if it was the
claustrophobia that was bothering the Cardassian, but Garak had simply
shaken his head at that.
"There's nothing wrong, Julian. Just leave
me to myself and I will be
fine." Then Garak had risen from his chair at the helm's panel and yet
again left Julian to wonder what went wrong between them. He rubbed his
eyes tiredly and swallowed hard. He hadn't realized how much it hurt to
receive proof that Garak was indeed actively avoiding him, no longer
interested in being his friend. In fact it seemed like all Garak did
nowadays was either fight with him or treat him with that distant
politeness which was even worse. Julian had treasured their friendship,
but obviously Garak no longer wanted it.
That damned woman, Garak thought. I am
going to kill her when I get
back to the station!
Women, crawling all over Julian as if
he was god's gift to them made
Garak angry, jealous and irritable. It got even worse when Julian was talking
to him about those women. Like just now - totally oblivious Julian kept
rambling on about that woman. Garak wanted to throw something, break
something - anything! He wanted to kill someone, specifically;
"She's very intelligent and she might
be assigned to Deep Space Nine,"
Julian said as they were eating, obviously trying to keep the conversation
going. The mood inside the shuttlecraft was tense to say the least.
The air was so thick, Garak was sure he would have been able to cut it with a
knife, had he decided to try. He knew it was his own fault although he
had made his best effort to eat with Julian. He had watched his friend grow
more and more irritable and suspicious. He had also done what he could
to stimulate conversation, and this was the topic they had ended up on.
This particular conversation however, was definitely not making things
easier on Garak.
Guls, Julian, you are really trying my
patience here, he thought. Don't
talk about women, don't talk about love and feelings. Don't talk! Don't
look at me! Don't you understand what you are doing to me when you smile
like that? Those hazel brown eyes sparkle with zest for life and they
make me want you so much, and you are not even aware of it, are you?
Julian was sitting across the table from
him, fidgeting with a small
padd he had been working on before they decided to get something to eat
together. His appearance was slightly less neat than usual. His hair
was a little too long, his chin full of bristles and the uniform was open in a
way that Starfleet wouldn't have appreciated. Julian's slightly
disheveled appearance and his nervousness made Garak feel really strange. He
wanted to reach out and calm Julian, to tell him that everything was going to be
fine. He wanted to tell Julian that he still cared and that they were
still friends. But he knew he couldn't do that. Letting his guard down right
now was the most stupid thing he could do.
"…I asked her out for dinner last week
and she accepted. Now I don't
know if I will be back in time." Julian concluded.
Yes, Garak thought. I will definitely
have to kill that young
"How intriguing," he said somberly. "I
am sure she will be heartbroken
if you don't get back in time to woo her."
"You are such a tease, Garak. You always
make fun of me when I talk
about women. What's the matter with you? Why don't you ask one out yourself?
Sometimes I get the feeling that you are simply jealous!"
Garak tried very hard not to wince at
Julian's words. He tried very hard
not to show any sign of how close to the truth Julian was, and he
suspected he succeeded because Julian simply kept chattering away.
Ah, the Obsidian Order training was good
for something after all, Garak
thought gloomily and swallowed another sip of his red leaf tea.
Garak averted his gaze and with painful
self-control he managed to
suppress the hiss that almost made its way out of his throat. The spike of
arousal that shot through his body made him lose breath. It had come so sudden
and unexpected. Up until now he and Julian had shared the sleeping area on
the few occasions they had been able to rest at the same time. At those
times however, Julian had always turned out the lights before undressing, as
if he was shy or simply didn't think about it. Garak had been lying there,
listening to Julian undress, that alone had been causing him enough
suffering, but this…
Julian, you insane young man. Don't do this!
The object of Garak's sudden desire was
standing before him merely a few
feet away, undressing, completely unselfconscious as he talked.
"We're inside Federation space so I don't
think we have to worry about
Dominion forces, but I have set the detection grids on continuous long
range just in case. The communications system is down because one of the
couplings has fried. We need to replace it and I don't have the
necessary equipment to fix it…"
Garak stopped listening to Julian and
allowed himself to steal a
glimpse of the man he desired so much. Julian's chest was smoother than
Garak could have imagined. It reminded him of the sands of the Cardassian
Garak had studied and knew quite a lot
about human physiology. Why? - To
satisfy his curiosity and his craving to know more about Julian. He knew
that some humans had more body hair than Julian, but for some reason he
had always imagined Julian as one of those who didn't have so much body
hair. He felt a sudden twinge of joy at the fact that his imaginations had
turned out to be true. He feasted his eyes on the taut muscles and the smooth,
golden skin. Watching that sinewy body as Julian undressed was slowly
but steadily driving him out of his mind, but he couldn't stop looking.
He wanted to reach out and touch Julian.
He wanted to pull the man into
his embrace and kiss him, make love to him. Julian simply stood there,
undressing as casually as if he had been alone. Eventually Garak turned
towards the wall and tried to will his arousal away. He tried to breathe
steadily, wishing that all the signs of his excitement would go away. If
Julian listened too carefully or simply looked at him now he would know,
despite the scarce lighting.
Guls, let us be back on the station soon,
Garak prayed as his hands
moved down on his body, wishing he could release some of the tension, but he
knew that would be insane. He jerked violently as he brushed his fingers
across his aching hardness and withdrew his hand immediately. If he did
something like that, it was something Julian would surely hear, and Garak had no
intention of letting his young human friend listen to him caressing
himself. On the other hand that image in his mind made the arousal grow
even stronger and Garak moaned softly. He closed his eyes with another
Give me strength…
"We could land the shuttle here, Garak.
Just for a couple of hours. That
would make no difference at all to our schedule and you might feel
"Whatever you say, doctor." Garak responded with a deep sigh.
"All right, then I'll just land here!"
Julian said decidedly and
maneuvered the craft down between the clouds.
They had been moving towards DS9 for almost
a week now and Garak was
definitely on the brink of losing it. Last night Julian had nearly
driven him insane without even realizing it. Garak hated to admit it, but
Julian's idea of landing the shuttle on the uninhabited planet was a big relief
to him. He needed to get away from Julian, for just a little while or he
didn't know what he would do.
Oh, dear old Elim. You know exactly what
you'll do and that's what
It had finally dawned on Julian what was
bothering Garak and he
couldn't be happier. For years he had been Garak's friend and he had
contemplated a relationship at some point or another. The attraction he
felt for the mysterious Cardassian had scared him at first, but as he got
to know the tailor more, the thought excited and thrilled him. He had even gone
through a time of terrible infatuation when he had been so nervous around Garak
that it was embarrassing. Finally the feelings had matured and he had
fallen in love, but he had succumbed to the realization that Garak
probably wasn't interested in him that way. The flirtatious glances and fresh
language were simply parts of Garak's personality, Julian thought. That
was just the way he was. In fact, most Cardassians seemed to enjoy flirting
with just about anyone without really meaning much. It was like they got
off on teasing people.
But last evening he had finally asked
himself if he might be wrong. He
had caught Garak glancing at him several times when he thought he wasn't
looking. It had finally dawned on him what kinds of feelings lay behind
those intense glares Garak shot at him. Realizing this, he took the
first opportunity that presented itself to try his theory. Garak's reaction
last night had spoken volumes. He found out more by undressing before the man
than he would have if he had simply asked right out.
The flush on Garak's face, the swollen
neck-ridges and the involuntary
gasp he couldn't quite suppress and the way that Garak had stared at him as
if he couldn't stop, was quite good evidence. Julian would never have heard
that silent hiss Garak tried to suppress as he turned towards the wall,
unless he'd been listening for it.
Julian had been quite surprised at his
own reaction to Garak's
involuntary response. He had been forced to crawl into his bed quickly before he
would reveal his own arousal to Garak. He didn't want the Cardassian to find
out right away. He needed just a few moments to think, and he had been lying
awake thinking for hours. His thoughts had led him to a conclusion that
was a little surprising. He now realized why he hadn't been really
interested in any women in so long. Now he knew why all those short relationships
always died out into nothing. The simple reason was that he had already
given his heart away and he wasn't even aware of it…
Garak, I thought I'd gotten over this
crush I had for you, he thought.
It appears I haven't and maybe, just maybe it is reciprocated?
Oh, Garak, so many wasted years!
Satisfied that now that he knew about
it, he could do something about
it, Julian had fallen into a dreamless sleep.
It was too much. Even he had to admit
defeat some time, Garak realized
and sent a grateful thought to Julian's caring personality and for once he
was glad he suffered from claustrophobia. That meant that he could blame his
strange behavior on that. So when the shuttle finally landed on the
M-class planet he was grateful and the relief must have shown on his face
because Julian smiled at him and said:
"Don't stray too far!"
He didn't. He simply left Julian behind
him and sauntered off among the
trees until he reached a glade. He reveled at the feel of the soft
moldering leaves on the ground underneath his feet. He enjoyed the
feeling of the crisp air filling his lungs and relief washed over him at not
feeling the closed confinement of the shuttlecraft.
He looked around, the trees were huge,
their trunks so thick he doubted
two of him could reach around them and they were probably older than his
Mila's copy of "The Never Ending Sacrifice".
The treetops constructed a roof far above
him, hardly letting any light
sift through the leaves. The light that did reach down to where he was
walking was slightly greenish and lent a mellow air to the surroundings.
Garak inhaled deeply and felt the tensions just whither away. Now,
perhaps he would be able to stand sharing the shuttlecraft with Julian until the
crew on Deep Space Nine noticed their absence and came to look for
them. If he was lucky.
Garak closed his eyes and gracefully sat
down underneath one of the
trees. He stretched one of his legs and rested his arm on the other one,
feeling more relaxed now than he had for a long time. The ground was soft and
dry to sit on and he couldn't think of one place he'd rather be right now.
He must have fallen asleep because when
he woke up the sun of this
planet was shining in his face, its rays sending warmth through his body. It
felt so good. Despite the fact that he was sitting in the middle of ancient
trees shadowing him from the rays of the sun, the temperature was warm
and comfortable even for him. He sighed contentedly once more and rose to
his feet. He took off his tunic and yawned, feeling utterly relaxed and in a
better mood than he had for days, weeks even. He hung the garment over
his arm and started moving towards the shuttlecraft. Walking slowly, he
watched the trees and the plant life surrounding him. Guls, he felt like he was
on Risa or enjoying one of Quark's more luxurious holosuite programs. He
stared at the treetops again and marveled at their lush green. The color
was so bright it almost seemed transparent.
That's when he bumped into Julian. The
young human must have moved very
silently. Garak couldn't believe it. Where was that Obsidian Order
training now? Fighting to keep his balance he grabbed Julian's arms only making
things worse and they both crashed down on the ground with a thud.
Garak on his back and Julian sprawled on top of him. The sinewy body of his young
human friend was pressed against him in a way he never thought it would
be. Garak came back to himself, feeling an overwhelming jolt of arousal.
"Uhn!" Garak groaned as he fell to the
ground, with Julian more or less
in his arms.
"Watch where you're going!" Julian said
with laughter in his voice.
Garak saw the humor in his friend's eyes, the humor that suddenly changed to
something else. Garak started to push at Julian, ashamed of his own
reaction. His arousal was showing itself in a very tangible way and he
wanted to kick himself. To his dismay, Julian refused to let him push
him away. The strong hands grabbed a firm hold of his shoulders and
involuntarily his fingers dug into the neck-ridges, causing Garak to
He found himself forced to look into Julian's
hazel brown eyes, seeing a
question there. It was as if the moment froze in time. They looked at
each other for what felt like an eternity. Questions were issued, and answers
were given, without uttering a word. The shame gave away to another
sensation - hope.
"Julian?" Garak whispered quizzically.
"Yes, Garak," came the breathless answer
and Garak swallowed hard when
he felt the distinct pressure against his groin. The pressure of another
"Julian, are you…"
"Yes, Garak," Julian repeated, and Garak
felt the young man's hands move
from his shoulders into his hair. It was a caress that sent shivers down
Garak's spine and he drew an unsteady breath as Julian moved his head
down for a - kiss? Garak couldn't take his eyes of Julian's full lips,
expectantly opening. Garak had forgotten where they were and his whole
world had narrowed to that full, red, human mouth and the weight of
Julian's body on his. Those wonderful lips he had craved to kiss for
longer than he'd care to remember. The feeling of desire was so strong. He had
fought it far too long and the only thing Garak could do was respond
enthusiastically when Julian's lips pressed against his. Their first
kiss was exquisite, but urgent.
Julian had been walking through the woods,
looking for Garak. His
Cardassian friend had been away for quite some time and Julian was
beginning to worry. So he strayed along the path he had seen his friend
take. He was hoping to find Garak in a better mood, a mood where he
could approach the Cardassian with his newfound feelings.
However, he had been taken aback by the
beauty of the trees surrounding
him. They created a beautiful place, their leaves coming together like a
green, lush roof overhead. Julian was struck with awe. He felt the same
way as he had when he first visited St. Patrick's cathedral back on earth
when he was a little boy. That was when he realized that this was exactly
what the trees reminded him of, a holy place - a cathedral. He had kept
walking without watching his step. Next thing he knew he had fallen to the
ground and found himself on the ground, with Garak's sturdy body under his.
He had heard his friend's gasp, seen the
jolt of feelings in those royal
blue eyes and felt the quick response in the tailor's body. When Garak
averted his eyes and tried to push him away, Julian would have none of
it. He refused to let go.
Oh no, Garak, he thought. This is it.
Finally we've come this far and I
am not about to let you go....
And so, without hesitation he looked into
those blue eyes, forcing
Garak to meet his gaze and the emotions flooding toward him made his own flare to
the surface. He hardly heard the question in Garak's voice. He simply
responded in a daze, then he moved his head down to the tailor's and dug
his hands into the silken strands of Garak's hair and kissed him.
Garak's breath was hot and spicy, the
man's torso pressed against his
and Julian could feel the unmistakable hardness of Garak's erection press
into his own, fueling his arousal further. Julian couldn't stop himself from
moaning softly. He moved his hands from Garak's hair down to his neck
and Garak hissed. For the first time Julian realized that Garak was naked
from the waist down. Curiously he let his hands travel down the Cardassian's
chest, scratching softly along the ridges and scales. His hands were
exploring, grateful for the chance to finally touch the alien skin of
his friend. Garak's body was several degrees warmer than his and the scales
were infinitely softer than he would have imagined.
"Julian," Garak hissed. "Julian, do you
know what you are doing? Do you
really, truly want this?"
Garak's voice was strained like he was
uttering words he didn't want to
say. Julian realized how much his friend wanted what was happening, but
that Garak was determined not to force him into something he didn't
want or was ready for.
In response Julian simply tightened his
hold around Garak's waist and
moved his hands upward to the swollen ridges on Garak's neck.
"I want this Garak, you don't know how long I have wanted this…"
Then he moved his head down and pulled
Garak towards him to kiss him
once more. Now that Garak had gotten permission it felt like those strong
hands were all over his body. Julian couldn't suppress a groan of pleasure as
the older man touched him everywhere. Garak caressed him on places he didn't
even know were erogenous zones. It was as if Garak knew even better than
himself what would please him. The touches sent shivers through his
body he hadn't known before, and soon he was writhing against the Cardassian in
abandon. Their bodies rubbed together and Julian did not protest when
Garak opened his uniform to caress him.
I can't believe this is finally happening,
Julian thought dreamily.
Finally Garak was touching him, and he hadn't realized how much he'd longed for
it until now. Watching Garak's grayish fingers roam over his body felt so
"You have such beautiful skin, Julian.
I've wanted to touch this smooth,
golden skin for so long," Garak murmured.
"Garak, oh Garak, I wish you had… Why
didn't you ever tell me… oh!"
Julian lost all coherent thought as Garak pulled him down to kiss and lick his
shoulders and his neck, sending exquisite pleasure through his whole
being. The hot, wet tongue knew exactly what it was doing to him.
Garak didn't respond, instead he moved
his hands to push away the
garment and soon Julian was naked, exposed to Garak's fiery eyes. Even a simple
look from those impossibly blue eyes was sending shivers down Julian's
spine. He realized that Garak's eyes reminded him of the wormhole,
sparkling in colors of blue and violet; passionate, flaring with
emotions at the most unexpected moments. Julian closed his eyes to enjoy the
feelings his lover was causing inside him and he remembered that this
was what he had wanted since he first laid eyes on the Cardassian. How many
times had he dreamt about this? Those strong hands brought pleasure that
nobody else had been able to provoke inside him. He didn't even remember
where he was. He didn't feel the soft grass and fallen leaves underneath
his body as Garak moved him onto his back. He didn't feel the warm rays
from the sun playing over his skin and he didn't feel the cool breeze
wandering through the dark curls of his hair. All he could feel was
Garak's hands and mouth and body bringing him joy.
* * *
But Garak saw all this. He saw the beautifully
shaped body of his
beloved Julian sprawled on the soft grass. He watched as the sun's golden rays
lent their color to Julian's already glowing skin. Garak watched the smooth
face of his lover as Julian surrendered himself to the passion he - Garak -
was causing and his chest tightened at the view. He swallowed hard and
blinked away the moisture that rose in his eyes. He had never hoped to see
Julian like this, writhing underneath him, enjoying his touch, even craving his
The urgency of his passion hadn't dissipated,
but with his last bit of
constraint he managed to will himself not to throw himself at Julian and
take him right then and there. He did not want to scare Julian, he did
not want to force him. He wanted this moment to last forever. He had never
felt anything quite like this before. Never felt his chest tighten at
another's beauty, never felt this overwhelming need to protect and care for, never
felt this need to make something last. Was this what people called
love? He didn't know what this feeling was. He had never felt anything like this
for anyone - except maybe for Mila.
Did he actually love Julian, was that
it? The realization that dawned on
him made him feel frightened and humbled at the same time.
"Garak?" Julian's hazel eyes opened to
look at him. Garak couldn't do
anything but smile when he saw the passion in Julian's eyes. "Are you
"Yes, Julian, I am perfectly fine. In fact, I have never felt better."
* * *
Julian swallowed hard when he saw the
raw emotion in Garak's eyes. For
the first time ever he realized that Garak had let down the walls he always
surrounded himself with. Julian wasn't sure his friend was even aware of
it, which in itself was a rare occurrence. He held Garak's gaze steadily
and made sure that the other man knew he felt the same, then again he
pulled Garak toward him and kissed him. Garak's lips were softer and
more tender than he would have expected them to be - at first, but as they
kept kissing the desire grew inside Julian and he moaned softly when Garak
thrust his tongue inside his mouth and the kiss grew more intense. He
pushed Garak away from him and smiled when he saw the Cardassian's
startled look at him. Without hesitation he pushed Garak down on his back and
straddled the other man's thighs and caressed his torso.
"I want to see you," he whispered softly.
"I want to see what you look
Garak simply nodded and relaxed underneath
him. Julian smiled wickedly
and moved up an inch or so to straddle Garak's erection and the Cardassian
tensed up again, this time in pure pleasure. Julian, who was completely
naked rubbed himself over Garak's groin and he smiled when he saw the
look of complete abandon on Garak's face as he threw his head back and
gasped. Garak's breathing was shallow and he rocked his hips against Julian in
an encouraging movement.
"If you want to see me you better look
closely and fast," he groaned, "…
because I don't know how long I am going to be able to stay like this."
Garak opened his eyes and Julian leaned
forward and whispered into
"Tell me what you like Elim."
"Tell me what you want me to do," he said
as he moved his hands across
the surprisingly soft skin of Garak's muscular stomach and chest.
"You're doing just fine," Garak grunted.
"Come on, Elim… talk to me. You're always
so eloquent, tell me what you
want me to do. Where do you like to be touched, do you have any
erogenous zones I am not aware of? You seem to know mine so well… reveal
some of your secrets to me," Julian whispered huskily.
Garak didn't respond. Julian could see
him swallow violently and then he
grabbed Julian's wrists and moved his hands up to his neck ridges, which
were now rapidly changing into a fascinating color. The sunlight told
Julian that they had indeed transformed from a smoky gray to a color
bordering on black.
"Touch me there…" Garak pleaded. "Right there…"
Julian moved his hands over the swollen
areas of flesh and was
surprised at the feeling of the ridges in his hands. They were warm, slightly
damp and very pliant. He brushed his fingertips along the scales and Garak
"Oh yessss… "
Julian pressed a little harder and started
kneading at the ridges, as
if he were giving Garak a massage and a jolt of arousal shot through him when
he saw the way it affected Garak. The Cardassian threw his head back and
bit his lip not to scream aloud. The grip around Julian's waist was so firm
it almost hurt. Absently Julian wondered if he was going to get bruised,
but it didn't bother him much. Instead he leaned forward and started kissing
and nibbling his way from the soft cartilage on Garak's chin to the
"How about this?" he whispered into Garak's
ear before beginning to lick
the scales on Garak's neck. The taste was unfamiliar but nice. Julian
couldn't really put his finger on it but it reminded him of something.
He shoved the thought away and continued licking his way down the ridge,
nearing Garak's shoulder. Garak was surprisingly quiet and Julian lifted
his head to watch Garak, wondering if he was doing something wrong, but
then he saw the look in Garak's eyes. They were black with desire.
Julian nodded and grabbed Garak's wrists
to push away his hands, then he
scooted down along Garak's body until he was straddling his thighs. With
nimble fingers he opened the Cardassian's pants and pulled them down.
Garak gasped as his erection was freed from the constraints and Julian smiled
as he rose to his feet and pulled the garment completely off Garak. He
watched the man lying on the ground. Garak was broader and stockier built than
himself, but not an ounce of extra fat could be seen anywhere on the
compact body. Garak's skin was gray, but nobody could say that the color
was dull in any way.
He was beautiful, Julian thought. Garak's
skin shifted in nuances from
light silvery gray on his thighs and stomach, to darker shades along the
sides and the chest, to almost black on his neck-ridges and around his
groin. His fully erect member looked like an object sculpted from ebony.
"Julian…." Garak pleaded and was about
to sit, but Julian pressed his
hand against Garak's stomach in a silent plea for him to stay where he was.
"I just want to look at you."
"You can look at me all you want - later…
Now, please don't torture me
Julian took pity on his lover and placed
his hands in a firm grip on the
other man's thighs moving slowly upwards to touch him..
* * *
Garak felt like he was caught in a roiling
cloud of emotions. He wanted
to throw himself at Julian, seeking a release from the tension that had
been building inside him for days, months - years, but he forced himself to
lie still. He forced himself to let Julian take the lead, this time. He did
not wish to frighten Julian and he had no idea how much of his passion the
young man could really handle.
What if he would hurt Julian if he gave
in to his desire? Was Julian as
fragile as he seemed, despite those famous enhancements? He couldn't
live with that, so he forced himself to lie motionless, waiting, something he
had never done before in his life. Never having let anyone else take the
lead and set the pace, Garak found that there was pleasure in yielding
to someone else, if that someone else was a person you cared about. And he
cared about Julian, so much…
Julian kissed him, licked his neck-ridges,
touched him like a child
exploring a new toy, like playing with fire or a knife, totally unaware
of the darkness and danger that lay within. And with each kiss, each lick
and each touch Garak's arousal grew to the point where he didn't know if he
could take it anymore.
He hated the begging tone in his voice,
but it was all he could do to
keep himself from pulling Julian into his arms and taking him, without even
knowing if Julian had ever made love to a man before, without knowing
if he would hurt him or not…
Then, finally Julian moved down and took
him into his mouth and Garak
couldn't stop the sound that came from his mouth. Suddenly all of his
being was concentrated between his thighs, concentrated on those warm, moist
lips enveloping him, moving up and down on him so slowly he thought he was
going to go mad. He felt himself grow even harder. He didn't think that was
"Julian!" he moaned as the release was
building inside him. When had he
last felt like this? Had he ever felt like this, Garak asked himself
dizzily. As if walking up a flight of stairs, the excitement grew more
and more for each step until at last he hurled into the void. At last he was
thrown into the swirling vortex of pleasure as the release took hold of
"Elim," Julian whispered as Garak finally
managed to look at his lover.
Julian's eyes were so dark they seemed like two dark wells filled with
passion and desire. "Now you have to touch me… please touch me, or I
will go insane."
Garak swallowed and gently pushed Julian
down on his back. The desire in
the young human was quite obviously far too strong for any teasing or
foreplay. Garak simply moved down over his lover's body and put his hand
around Julian's shaft, stroking it gently.
"Oh, Elim!" Julian sobbed and Garak caressed him a little firmer
As Julian's reactions grew in intensity,
Garak leaned forward to close
his lips around the slender erection. He shut his eyes and allowed himself
to fully enjoy the sensation of having Julian in his mouth. He enjoyed the
smoothness of the skin, the hardness and the feeling of vibrant life in
the flesh. He licked and sucked gently at first, then applied more pressure
as Julian's passion intensified. Soon Garak could feel the telltale
contractions and he opened his eyes and moved his head away. He replaced
his mouth with his hand to allow himself to watch Julian's face as the
feelings took hold of his lover. Julian's head was thrown back in
abandon, his mouth slightly open and he was moaning aloud.
Garak kept caressing his lover even a
few moments after the fluid spill
over his hands and slowly Julian relaxed beneath him. Finally the young
man opened his eyes to look at Garak. There was love in those brown eyes and
Garak knew his face mirrored Julian's feelings. He did not try to
He sat and pulled Julian into his arms
and they kissed. Garak was
surprised to find that he was still hard and he realized that the desire inside
him hadn't lessened that much. He understood that he wouldn't be satisfied
until he had been allowed to make love to Julian properly. He had wanted
this for too long. It wouldn't just go away.
"I want you Elim," Julian whispered, and
Garak pulled back to watch him
intently. There was no fear and no hesitation in those dark eyes. There
was only passion and desire, matching his own in intensity.
"I don't want to hurt you Julian," he
whispered. "We have to go back to
"Why?" Julian asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"You really wouldn't want me inside you
without some… help, would you
now?" he said.
"Oh, that!" Julian said and laughed. Then
he moved out of Garak's
embrace and went through the pockets of his uniform. Triumphantly he held up a
small tube of lubrication.
"You little animal!" Garak said and laughed spontaneously.
* * *
Moments later Garak's eyes narrowed to
slits as he looked at Julian as
the realization obviously dawned on him.
"You came here with the intention to seduce me?"
Julian nodded and grinned widely.
"How did you know?" Garak said. "How did
you know I wanted you? How long
have you known?"
Julian knew Garak well enough to understand
that it disturbed him that
Julian had figured it out, so he simply leaned forward to caress him.
"Not long. Since yesterday night."
Garak closed his eyes.
"I had a feeling I was being rather obvious."
"Not really, not to anyone who doesn't
know you as well as I do. Not to
anyone who doesn't care about you as much as I do. Why didn't you ever
"I didn't think… I never realized. Guls,
I've been really blind, haven't
I?" Garak mocked himself. "I, the Obsidian Order agent, so sure of
myself and my abilities and I never saw how you felt. I was too preoccupied
with trying to hide my own feelings from you. I was so sure you would never
feel the same way."
"Well I do… " Julian said, "… and right
now I don't want to talk about
this. I want you to make love to me," he continued huskily as he opened
the small tube and poured a healthy amount of lubrication into his hands.
* * *
Garak lost all ability to think coherently
when Julian wrapped him in
his slender hands and coated him with lubrication.
"It seems to me like you're ready for it," he teased.
"Oh, I've been ready for far too long."
"So let's not waste any more time then,
Elim. Make love to me." Julian
didn't hesitate, he simply lay on his back, pulling Garak with him.
"Make love to me," Julian whispered yet
again and Garak moved between
Julian's legs, stroking himself, coating his fingers with lubrication.
Then he slowly let one of his digits enter Julian, stretching him carefully.
"It's all right Garak, I'm ready for you,
don't worry," Julian said
urgently. "I want you Garak, I need you inside me!"
Those words from Julian's mouth could
have made Garak lose it if he
wasn't so intent on not hurting Julian. He carefully moved into position,
pressing slowly, gently inside Julian, one inch at a time. Julian gasped, but
didn't tense up.
* * *
"Am I hurting you, Julian?" Garak asked.
Julian could hear the concern
in his voice.
"No, Elim. Not at all, it feels good.
So good." To emphasize his words
he pushed forward against Garak to make him move. Finally Garak pushed all
the way in and he was filled to the hilt. Garak was there with him, filling
him, making him feel complete. Nothing could ever feel so good. All
other lovers completely vanished from Julian's memory as he felt like he was
finally where he belonged. Garak thrust carefully at first, but as his
enthusiasm became apparent Garak pushed more eagerly into him, his shaft
moving in and out in swift motions.
Garak moaned and thrust harder. Julian
grabbed Garak's arms to have
something to hold onto so he could meet the thrusts, to urge Garak on.
He enjoyed hearing Garak's sounds of pleasure as he finally lost control.
They sent spirals of desire through Julian. Knowing that Garak wanted him so
much, trusted Julian enough to let him see him like that only fired his
own arousal. Garak inside him wasn't enough, he needed something more, so he
looked up at Garak, who was leaning over him. His eyes were black with
"Touch yourself for me, Julian," Garak
whispered hoarsely, his voice
Julian moved his hand down and wrapped
it around his shaft. He hardly
needed to touch himself before coming and Garak followed only moments
later. Julian gasped for breath and watched as Garak came back to
himself. Eventually the Cardassian relaxed and pulled him into his lap as he
slowly slid out of him.
"Julian… Julian…" he whispered.
Julian turned around to pull Garak closer
and they kissed. This time the
kiss was soft and loving, the kind of kiss shared by two satiated
lovers. Julian was still shocked to find how tender and sweet Garak's kisses
could be. He couldn't wait to discover more sides to Garak's personality.
Sides that he would only show to someone he loved, and Julian was quite sure
that Garak did love him. Those blue eyes may be masters at lying and hiding
the truth, but at this moment they weren't hiding anything and they were
filled with tenderness.