Realizations
by: kira-nerys
rated:  PG-13  (for m/m romance)

Summary: Just a small dialogue about G/B finding out what's really
going on.

Disclaimer: Garak/Bashir and Dax [blah blah] belong to Paramount/Viacom
[blah blah]... No infringement intended [blah blah]...you get the idea!

Setting / Spoilers:  Before Sacrifice of Angels.

Thanks to: Olivia, you are invaluable!

~~~~~

"So what you are really trying to tell me doctor, is that you believe
it is impossible to live without love?" Garak leaned forward over the
table and the look in his eyes was positively shocked.

"Yes, of course it is! No one can live their life without love!"
Bashir was waving his hands in his air in the most adorably upset way.
Garak couldn't help but smile at his friend's passionate defense of
love.

"What in the world makes you believe that? There is so much more to
life than mushy romance!" Garak chided. He was wondering how far he
could push this before the doctor realized he was really teasing him.

Bashir silenced as if he seriously contemplated his friend's
statement.

"I should be the perfect example that it is indeed possible to live
without love. My being here today is probably more because of it than
in spite of it." Garak continued flatly as if the subject made him
ill. His boyish friend was so naive sometimes.

*  *  *

Bashir stared at Garak for a moment. Did the tailor really believe
that or was he just trying to annoy him? What was Garak saying really?
Did he hold romance and love in contempt? Did he view this as a
weakness? It sounded as if he did at first, but now, hearing the
slightly longing tone in his friend's voice he believed that Garak
was, as usual, just putting up a front.

"That's not true!" Bashir said and leaned forward. His head stopped
merely an inch or two from Garak's blue gaze. "You have love in your
life! Ziyal adores the ground you walk on!" [Not to mention that I do
as well...]

"I thought you were referring to reciprocated love," Garak stated
calmly. "However, if that is not the case, then I suppose you are
right doctor. I do have love in my life. But not the kind where my
feelings are returned." Garak's voice sounded wistful.

"Are you telling me that you haven't brought a lady-friend home ever
since you came to this station?" Bashir felt a flutter in his stomach.
Perhaps he wasn't so far off course after all? Perhaps his suspicions
were right - which was the reason he brought up the conversation in
the first place. He wondered why Garak hadn't seen right through him
already.

The tailor looked at Bashir with mock surprise in his blue eyes.
"Why Doctor, aren't we getting a tad too personal now?"

"Come on, Garak. You know all there is to know about me and my love
life. We've known each other long enough!"

"There really isn't any relevance to your question, my friend. Because
whether I brought a *lady-friend* as you so eloquently put it, home or
not, it wouldn't matter. You know as well as I do that bringing
someone home for the night isn't love" the tailor responded calmly.
"That's just sex!" His voice turned full of disgust as if bringing
someone home for the night was showing a weakness of some sort.

*  *  *

Garak looked intently at his young friend and suddenly realized there
was more to this conversation than he was aware of. He was surprised
that he hadn't seen it before. But he had given up on the hope that
Julian would ever be more than a friend, so long ago, that he had put
the whole thing out of his mind entirely. Perhaps that had been a
mistake?

"I do hope you are aware that sex and love isn't exactly the same
thing." he said with a slight edge in his voice.

"You're right. But it doesn't seem like you've gotten much of that
either. I can't remember ever seeing you bring a woman - or a man for
that matter - home!" Bashir blurted out.

"Why doctor - now you *are* getting personal. I didn't realize you
kept such close tabs on my sex-life or lack thereof... " Garak leaned
forward over the table and seemed positively intrigued.

"But there's got to be someone around here that you feel deeply for!"
Bashir persisted and he looked deeper into Garak's eyes. His hazel
eyes were probing, curious and very eager.

Garak flinched.

"What about Ziyal?" Bashir continued and leaned back in his chair,
noticing his friend's discomfort.

Garak closed his eyes as if the whole conversation was beginning to
bore him. That however, was as far from the truth as it could possibly
be. His heart was beating faster and he felt the slight tension in his
neck, which were the first signs of arousal.

"Doctor, Ziyal is a very young girl, and she is the daughter of Gul
Dukat."  [Ziyal! Oh, my dear Julian, if you only knew...]

"So? That doesn't mean you can't have feelings for her." Bashir
insisted, but felt joy at the fact that Garak's face showed open
disgust at the mere mention of him having a sexual relationship with
the young half-Bajoran female.

"I do have feelings for her. But not the kind you are referring to,"
Garak finally responded.

"Why not?"

Garak leaned back in his chair, a bit more relaxed now that they were
talking about Ziyal, and no longer focusing so blatantly on him. He
willed the excitement away and wondered how much he would reveal to
the young man. There was obviously more to his incessant questions
than a mere topic over lunch.

"As I said, she is a very young girl," he said simply.

*  *  *

Bashir stared at his friend and raised his eyebrows. Garak had seemed
so tense just a few seconds ago, now he was sitting back in his chair,
as relaxed and congenial as always. Bashir felt the irritation grow.
Why couldn't Garak open up just a little bit more? He didn't want to
go all the way by himself.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Bashir persisted, hoping that Garak
would admit to - something!

"It simply means she is too young and she's - never mind! Why this
sudden interest in my love-life?" Garak said and leaned forward again
his nose stopping only inches away from Julian's face.

"Well, I think we lost track of the subject at hand" Julian admitted
and lowered his gaze, afraid that maybe he had revealed too much or
prodded too much. He was so scared of letting his friend know how he
felt before at least getting some indication from Garak that his
revelation might be welcome. "I didn't mean to pry into your personal
life, Garak. But now that I think about it, you must be rather
lonely."

"What about you doctor? I don't see you having anyone special in your
life. Or do you have a lady-friend I am not aware of?" Garak teased.

Bashir looked into Garak's blue eyes. He searched for something more
there than just a simple question. And he found it. There was a
genuine interest there. As if suddenly Garak had realized where this
specific conversation had sprung from.

"No, no I don't have a *woman* in my life right now..." Julian admitted
and held Garak's gaze steadily. He was silently hoping that Garak
might get the subtle hint. If he didn't he had at least not revealed
too much, and it would be easily shrugged off if Garak decided to ask
what he meant.

But Garak kept holding his gaze, and a slow burning inside the
sky-blue eyes made itself evident.

"So, is there anyone you would like to bring to your bed?" Garak
questioned him softly.

Julian started, and dropped his gaze at the sudden excitement Garak's
question provoked in his body. Thoughts and images of them in bed
together - kissing in the moonlight - made him flush.

"Would you stop doing that?" he blurted out defensively, not willing
to show how deeply affected he was by the tailor's perhaps innocent
question.

"Doing what?" Garak said mildly.

"Turning the conversation away from yourself!"

"I didn't realize I was doing that," Garak lied, positively beaming.

"Oh yes you did!" Bashir responded, feeling a bit less exposed now
that Garak wasn't scrutinizing him so blatantly. "So tell me, isn't
there anyone on this station you feel more about than the others" he
dared to add.

"Of course there is - I care about Ziyal - and I care very much for
you, doctor."

"I wasn't talking about friendship." Julian said with a slight catch
in his voice. A flutter in his stomach made him persist to make sure
Garak meant what he thought he meant.

"Neither am I, Doctor" Garak said with a slight smile, then he got up
and left.

It took a couple of minutes for Garak's words to finally sink in. What
had Garak implied? Had he seen through his questions and obvious
probing? Had Garak realized what Julian really wanted to know? How had
this made the tailor feel, Julian wondered. Garak had made no
revelations of his own, he had just smiled at him and left. But he had
most certainly said he wasn't talking about friendship, and he wasn't
referring to Ziyal. He had made that perfectly clear. Garak had no
such feelings for the young girl. But what about him? What did Garak
truly feel about him?

Julian knew he couldn't just let go now. Not now. He got up from the
chair and hurriedly made his way out of the Replimat towards the
Cardassian's shop.

"Garak?"

"Hmmm?" the tailor responded, with his back to the young man. He was
fidgeting with his fabric-samples and he didn't turn around.

"What did you mean back there, Garak?" Julian asked softly as he could
feel the heart beating in his chest. His palms were sweaty and he
could feel a slight tremble traveling through him. On top of that he
felt the slight stirrings in his groin at the exciting thought of
Garak having the same feelings for him.

Finally the tailor turned around and stared intently at him. His eyes
bore deep into his soul.

"I think you know what I meant, doctor. Wasn't that why you were
asking all those questions? So that I would finally reveal one of my
hidden secrets?"

"Is that what you think, Garak?" Julian asked breathlessly. "You think
I asked only to get you to let slip one of the mysteries you surround
yourself with?"

Garak let go of the fabric he was holding and then he stepped closer
to Julian, and put his finger under the young man's chin so that he
would be able to look him straight in the eye.

"If that wasn't it, then why, Julian? Why?"

"I...I hope I haven't misunderstood you now, Garak..." Julian said
breathlessly.

"That depends on what you are thinking, my dear Doctor," Garak said
tiredly.

"Do you want to be more than my friend? I think you do."

Strangely enough, Garak didn't deny it. He simply nodded and Julian
felt his heart beat faster. The realization that the Cardassian felt
more for him made his palms sweaty, his mouth dry and his body tense.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Julian asked softly.

"What would I say?" Garak wondered. "It's not like you've shown any
interest in men before."

"I know that, but that's because- "

"What?" Garak wondered and put his hands on the young doctor's
shoulders.

Hazel brown eyes met royal blue ones. Julian gasped at the hope he saw
in those incredibly blue depths, and he felt the tremendous
satisfaction of not having to kill that hope.

"-you're the only man I ever wanted." he finished.

Garak's eyes darkened and Julian reached out to pull the Cardassian
closer. Their bodies pressed together for the first time and he sighed
as he felt the tailor's strong arms around his waist. Julian leaned
forward to meet Garak half-way when he realized he was going to kiss
him. Their lips met and Julian sighed. His body responded immediately.
Ever since he and Garak started this conversation he had felt the
first signs of arousal. Now they hit him full force.

"I don't this is the best place for us to be doing this, Julian."
Garak said. His voice was husky and low. "Let's go to my quarters..."

~ End ~

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